


you snuck ur way right into my kombucha

by arbitrarydeer, chlo, ipborgdan



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, please be cautious approaching this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:10:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19787773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arbitrarydeer/pseuds/arbitrarydeer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/chlo/pseuds/chlo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipborgdan/pseuds/ipborgdan
Summary: BOBBI FUCKING DIES





	you snuck ur way right into my kombucha

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ipborgdan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipborgdan/gifts).



**_BOBBI FUCKING DIES_ **

**_DONT LIKE DONT READ_ **

**_Bobbi x Swampy Yaoi Boy x Boy Don’t Liek Don’t Read_ **

**_Like comment and subscribe_ **

**_Imagine person A of your OTP trying to drink the pain of person B’s death away, but all it does is bring up memories of when they were together and happy. A keeps drinking anyway, thinking they deserve the pain and sadness because they couldn’t save B._ **

**_Imagine person B is a space mermaid/siren, enticing person A, an astronaut, to take off their helmet, despite no oxygen in space._ **

**_Person A tells Person C that they’re going to propose to Person B on a certain date. Before Person A can propose they die. You decide what happens next._ **

**_INFIGHTING DUE TO PRESSURE FROM A DWINDLING FANBASE_ **

**_“WHOOPS” BOBBI SAID “LOOKS LIKE I DROPPED MY MONSTER CONDOM FOR MY MAGNUM DONG” SWAMPY LOOKED AT THE OFFICE CAMERA AND SILENTLY WISHED FOR DEATH_ **

  
  


**_COFFESHOP AU: bOBBBI SWAGGERED INTO THE QUAINT LITTLE COFFEESHOP THAT HE WAS ACROSS THE STREET FROM HIS RECENTLY OPENED HAIR SALON. bOBBI Had Qholy HOLD THE FYUCK UP the hold WhAt THE FONT SIZE CHANGES. oKAY. Bobbi had made a living for himself by starting a once smalltown hair salon. Sixty years later and it was the largest chain of hair salons in the Tristate Area. He was visiting his most recently opened store and mistreating his minimum wage workers when he spotted the coffeeshop across the way._ **

**_Person A has passed away and has been watching over B. One night, B finds all of the albums they used to listen to with A. B starts to cry and listens to the songs, and A materializes to dance and sing with B in their own little world._ **

**_YOU’RETHE ONE YES YOURE THE STAR WE NEED YOU BACK ON BASS GUITAR YOURE FABULOUS (IM FABULOUS) YOURE FABULOS (IM FABULOUS!!!)_ **

**_Danny was dancing in his home all by himself because he’ll never find love. Once upon a time infighting due to pressure from a dwindling fanbase. Swampy was falling on some hard times. Ever since Bobbi fucking died, from pneumonia Swampy was never sober anymore. He only drank green juice (with alcohol in it). He was really sad, and felt like it was his bleached asshole. He should have seen the signs. He should have seen them…_ **

**_One night, after passing out faafter drinking too much kombucha, Swampy had a dream. He dreamtp that Danny came to him, dancing. Danny spoke directly to him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_“You’re the one yes you’re the star its fucking jesjsus chirst. Reach out your heart to god and you will be redeemed. Also i hope that you die.”_ **

**_Swampy woke uop in a cold sweat. He bbreathed heavily. He got up in a stupor. What did it mean? He asked himself. He deccided that it was time for change. Or else i guess he would die? The more he thought about it, the more he thought that this was the rock bottom that Danny had talked about_ ** **_. He suddenly had a thought that he should call his old band mate up. He hadn’t seen him since bobbi’s funeral, 5 months ago._ **

**_He picked up the phone, and gave him a ring._ **

**_“Hello?” Danny said._ **

**_“Hey, Danny.” Swampy said._ **

**_“Dude! It’s been f0rever! How’re you holding up?”_ **

**_“Well… if you count drinking 10 gallons of kombucha until you pass out every day as holding up well, then im fine.”_ **

**_“...” Danny was stunned into silence for a solid minute._ **

**_“...how are you danny?” Swampy asked, sighing, to fill the silence._ **

**_“I’m frankly more concerned about you, swampy.”_ **

**_“I was just kidding. I’m totally fine. Pwease no steppy.”_ **

**_“Please tread on me. Anyways, I seriously think you should go to counseling or something bc like? Kombucha? REally? It’s not even that good…”_ **

**_“Fuck you dude.”_ **

**_Swampy and danny scheduled a time for them to have a nice brunch the next week, and then hung up. Swampy’s slightly hungover self thought of the good ol’ days. Him, Danny, and his one true love bobbi fabulous playing at the madison square garden. Swampy could picture his lover in his mind so clearly._ **

**_His beautiful white hair in that weird shape, that sensual goatee, and his glasses hiding his hideous eyes. He was so beautifyl and also alive back then. He then thought back to the day Bobbi died. His frail face, with dark circles under his eyes. It hurt Swampy to look at him._ **

**_“Remember what I said a few months ago?” Bobbi whaspered to Swampy._ **

**_“What?” Swampy was confused. It felt as if nothing had existed before this terrible illness. Swampy couldn’t even remember what he had for breakfast, let alone somemthing that Bobbi had said a few months ago._ **

**_“I said that I was going to marry you.” Bobbi coughed._ **

**_Swampy teared up. “I love you. It doesn’t matter now.”_ **

**_Bobbi coughted again. A lot. It sucked it lasted for like 3 minutes straioght. After he recovered he said, “Well, Mr. Swamp man. It matters to me. I love you and I want you to be my husband. Will you marry me?”_ **

**_Swampy started crying in earnest. “Of course I will. Also fuck you.”_ **

**_Bobbi smiled. “I’m glad,” he said. He pulled out his old bass guitar pick. “I love you.” Bobbi then ascended into the abyss._ **

**_Swampy cried, thinking about this painful memory. He fell asleep again, exhausted from so much crying._ **

**_Swampy was in cora swamp. An ogre shouted at him, “get out me swamp!” Swampy was super scared, so he ran away. The dream quickly changed to a brightly lit mall. The Googleplex Mall in Danville, in fact. He walked through the empty halls until he saw someone out of the corner of fhis eye. A white, oddly shaped mass of hair. Could it be?_ **

**_It was. It was Bobbi. Swampy ran up to the man, going in for a kiss as if it was the good ol’ days again. Bobbi said quickly, in a low tone that was not at all the scrathcy voice he died with, “we have to talk.”_ **

**_“About what, my love?” Swampy wondered._ **

**_“Your life. I;m having a fuckin great time in heaven. Except for the fact that I miss your hot butt. The important thing is, I can see you drinking waaaay too much kombucha and you have to stop.”_ **

**_“It’s so hard to live without you, Bobbi.” Swampy teared up AGAIN. Seriously dude can you stop crying for, like, a minute._ **

**_“I know. But you have to. For me. You have to keep living.”_ **

**_“I miss you.”_ **

**_“I know. I miss you too.”_ **

**_And with that, Bobbi stepped back into the abyss. #LoveWings_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Bobbi x bobbo fic: here we fucking go kids_ **

**_Okay so oncwe upon a time bobbi woke up from his beauty sleep. Oh guess i better check me hair. He slowly got up and walked over to the mirror in his room._ **

**_“Ah yes, still fabuluoso” he thought to himself._ **

**_He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a hearty boul of cereal. He looked out the window of his kitchen and sighed._ **

**_“If only there was someone out there that was as fabulusos as me” a single tear cascaded down his cheek.._ **

**_Suddenly a giant lazer fell into his house and he was shot with it._ **

**_“FUCK IM BOUT TO DIE” bobbi was prepared for the inevitable._ **

**_Suddebly bobbi realised that he was still here on this earth and felt kinda sad he didnt kick the bucket but anyways he noticed that before him stood….another bobbi????_ **

**_“Hello i am bobbo” said bobbo_ **

**_“Oh i guess i have a clone or some shit so thats cool” said bobbi_ **

**_Bobbi and bobbo starreded at eachother for an extended period of time. Man they both looked quite good. What an attractive bunch._ **

**_“Hey bobbo do u wanna tread on me?’?” bobbi asked_ **

**_“No dude wtf” bobbo said_ **

**_Bobbo then dabbed away into oblivian and was never seen again._ **

**_The end_ **


End file.
